


The Earth Begins to Sway

by PandaPantsLuvsU



Series: Survivor's Guilt [6]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Fluff, Gay, Implied Sexual Content, It's rare, M/M, New Relationship, and in college, but have some for, don't come to expect fluff from me, they're gay, valentines day, very rare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 22:36:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13691271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaPantsLuvsU/pseuds/PandaPantsLuvsU
Summary: Set between chapters 34 and 35 ofDisillusioned, in Alex's point of view.Alex reflects on his new relationship, he and John spend sometimetogether, and they talk about things.Mostly fluff.(Title taken from What More Can I Say by William Finn, from the Falsettos musical)





	The Earth Begins to Sway

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!  
> This is one of the first things I ever wrote from Alex's point of view, so if his characterization seems to shift in later fics, that's why. I'm still getting a feel for him.  
> Also, I've read this _too_ many times to count, so I honestly hate it at this point, but I hope _you_ enjoy it!!!

John was fast asleep.  He was sleeping in that way he slept when he was thoroughly exhausted, a little splayed out, blankets bunched haphazardly around him, lips parted just slightly.  His hair was mussed and partially in his face, a few wild curls sticking up in the air.  His eyes were closed, but his eyelashes would occasionally flutter.

God, he was beautiful.

Alex watched him from his side of the bed, head propped on his elbow.  John was usually such a light sleeper, always on edge in the event that he’d need to jump into action, to protect himself or his family.  But when Alex brushed his hair from his face, he didn’t stir.

He could stare at him for hours, occupy the time by creating constellations from his freckles, listening to the sound of his breathing, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest that somehow was enough to soothe his fears.

John shifted slightly, and his hair fell back into his face.  Alex chuckled to himself, smoothing it back again, letting his fingers linger for a moment before pulling away.  He wished he could capture this moment, keep it locked away for rainy days.

He’d held so many memories captive, replayed images mercilessly in his mind.  He’d been so scared that in time, they’d be all he had to remind him of John.  And where would he be if a day came when he couldn’t remember the way his eyes crinkled just a little when he smiled, if the sound of his contagious laughter began to evade him?  But now...

_ Now. _

Alex no longer had the need to keep those thoughts in chains.  He could let them go, let them flee from his brain.  What good would it do to relive a memory when he had the opportunity to create newer, better ones?  When the very object of said memories was lying right next to him?  When at this moment, the only thing he needed to do to feel content was look around?

He never imagined he could ever be so lucky.

He reached out once more and stroked his cheek.  John’s brow furrowed briefly, so Alex smoothed that out, too.  When he pulled his hand away, he found himself blinking back tears, swallowing the lump in his throat.  His chest began to ache, but in a way that he didn’t entirely hate.

Alex debated whether or not to get out of bed, but ultimately decided against it.  He wanted to stay by John’s side.  He didn’t want to take his eyes off of him.  If he did, John might disappear and Alex wouldn’t be able to handle that.

John’s eyelashes fluttered again and then he blinked up at Alex tiredly.  “Watching me sleep?” he guessed.

Alex nodded.  John rubbed his eyes and burrowed deeper into his nest of blankets, letting out a small sigh.  He buried his face into the pillow for a second, then looked at Alex a little more clearly.

“What time is it?”

“About six-thirty.”

“You’re up early.”

Alex shrugged.  John lifted the blankets as an invitation.  Alex accepted it, getting under the covers with him and sliding an arm around his waist.  He’d never known that non-sexual skin to skin contact could be so fulfilling.  “I like it, though.  The sunrise is pretty.”  At least, it cast nice shadows onto John.

“Yeah?”  John’s voice was still thick with sleep.  Alex found it endearing.

“You’re prettier, though,” Alex teased, smirking when John rolled his eyes and huffed.

“You  _ know _ you’re not supposed to call Omegas pretty, right?  It’s demeaning.”

John had this thing about being seen as delicate - he hated it.  Alex didn’t quite understand why, but he knew how he felt.  Vulnerability hadn’t ever been something he was comfortable with, either.  And he was still learning that he could expose himself to John.  He trusted him with his life.  Innermost thoughts and fears weren’t too far of a leap from there.

“I won’t call you pretty, then.”  He gave John a quick kiss on the cheek, his heart stuttering when John’s face went pink and he turned his head away.  Alex moved down to his neck, trailing his lips over the soft skin.

John’s breath hitched.  “Alex,” he sighed.  “Alex, we should go get breakfast.”

“Or,” he countered, “we could skip that altogether and go straight to dessert.”  He mouthed at John’s collarbone.

John laughed, even as Alex rolled on top of him.  “You’ve never had sex on an empty stomach, have you?”

He didn’t think so.  “No.”

“It’s not fun.  Besides, they’ve got crepes today.”

Alex pulled away.  “What’s with you and food?”

John nudged Alex off of him and sat up.  “You see, I’m very passionate about not starving to death.”  Then he got out of bed.  Alex let his eyes travel over his body.  He could do that now.  John caught him and arched an eyebrow.  “Like what you see?”

“Always.”  He wished he could be as comfortable in his own skin as John seemed to be.

John dressed himself quickly and threw Alex a pair of sweats and a shirt.  “Get dressed so we can go.”

“Not all that hungry.”

And then John gave him  _ the look _ .  “We made a deal.  And these clothes will stay on my body until you eat something.”

Alex was certain that John got a sense of satisfaction from lording that over him.  “You act like I’m the only one in this relationship who has a sex drive.”

“Trust me, you’re not.  But I love you more than I want to fuck you.  So come on.”

Alex pulled his clothes on and followed John out the door, falling into step with him.  He reached for his hand, ignoring the way his stomach jumped when John took it and laced his fingers through his.  Alex liked the way their hands fit together.  He liked how warm John made him feel.  He’d always made him feel that way, like his insides were pleasantly turning into mush, like his legs were about to give out in the best way.  But now he had the freedom to express it, the confidence that John would catch him if he fell.

He just wished he could find the words to tell him.

They made it to the dining hall.  It was almost completely empty.  He saw Mimi and Andy talking at one of the tables.  Mimi was laughing.  Andy was smiling at her warmly.

He’d been wondering if Andy would ever work up the courage to actually talk to her.

He was about to suggest to John that they eat somewhere else, but Mimi waved them over.

“Good morning, lovebirds,” Mimi chirped.  “Do I want to know how your day went?”

“It was fine,” John said with a shrug.

_ Just fine? _  Was he serious?  Alex glanced down at the table.

“I’m going to get some food.  Want me to grab you a plate, hon?”

Alex shook his head.  “I’ll grab something in a sec.”

John frowned at him, then leaned down and kissed his cheek before walking into the kitchen.

“Don’t get butthurt,” Mimi said, smirking at Alex.  “John’s not going to brag about you to me.  Especially not in public.  I’m sure you’ve got  _ nothing _ to be insecure about.”

“I’m not butthurt,” Alex protested.

She waved her perfectly manicured hand.  Andy tore his eyes from her to arch an eyebrow at Alex.  “Do you two not get a lot of time together?”

Alex shrugged.  “We go on dates.  But we don’t usually have a  _ lot _ of free time.  This is a really nice break from reality.”

“Don’t get too used to it,” Mimi warned.  “At least you’ve got Christmas break soon, too.”

Alex snorted.  “You think we’ll have privacy?  John has four siblings.  I have three.  Not to mention George and Martha, who are probably going to dote on us both for all of break.”

“And us,” Mimi said.  “You get me for a  _ whole week _ .”

Alex wrinkled his nose.  “Wonderful.”

Andy looked in between the two of them.  “You don’t get along very well, do you?”

“We’ve called a truce for John’s sake,” Mimi said.  “I personally think Alex is an arrogant, self absorbed pain in the ass.”

“And I think Mimi’s a childish, spoiled bitch.”

“But this childish, spoiled bitch has given your mate tons of advice on how to woo you.”

“I’m already wooed.  Besides, are you  _ sure _ you’re qualified to be giving relationship advice?”

“Ooh, add  _ ignorant _ to the list.  I know plenty about relationships and sex, thank you.  I read fanfiction.”

Andy snorted.

“Do I  _ want _ to know?” John asked, setting his plate down.  “Alex, they make the crepes  _ to order _ .”

Alex loved the way his eyes lit up at that.  He wanted to kiss him.  He settled for smiling at him instead.  “Oh, yeah?”

John nodded and cut a piece off.  “Here.  Try some.”  He held out his fork.  Alex rolled his eyes and opened his mouth.

“Spoon-feeding?  Y’all are gross.”

“To be fair, it  _ is _ pretty good.”  Alex swallowed and stood.  “I’m going to go get one.”

He didn’t miss John’s self-satisfied smirk.  He ruffled his hair as he walked to the kitchen.  John batted his hand away halfheartedly.

So much had changed, but at the same time, not that much was different.

* * *

 

John was playing with Alex’s fingers.  Alex trailed kisses over his shoulder and neck, not fighting the rumbling in his chest.  He liked the way John sometimes shuddered when he was pressed close enough to Alex to feel it.  He liked the way this felt, liked the way John angled his hips and legs so that Alex could fit right against him akin to a puzzle piece.  It seemed like every part of them fit together so well.  Alex’s arm might as well have belonged around John’s waist.

The only thing he didn’t like about their position was that he couldn’t see John’s face without making an effort.  But he could freely trace patterns into his chest and stomach, make him shiver.

John’s hand stilled and Alex pulled away just enough to mumble, “You asleep?”

“No.  Just thinking.”

“What about?”

“A lot of different things.  Winter break, finals, the kids.”  Then, almost coyly, “You.”

“And what about me, exactly?”

John didn’t answer for a few long moments.  He continued to play with Alex’s fingers.  “I hate this question.  I hate asking it, I hate answering it, but...”  A sigh.  “Just tell me.  Tell me what we are.”

Alex pulled John closer.  “Best friends who were both stupidly oblivious to the other’s feelings up until the very end.”  It earned him a chuckle.  “We’re in love.  Unless something’s changed in the past seventy-two hours that I need to know about?”

“Yes.  I like women now.”

It was Alex’s turn to laugh and he mouthed lightly at John’s neck.  He found that he liked the way John’s skin felt under his lips.  He liked the way John sometimes let out that little sigh of contentment that made the tension fade from his body.  “And we’re sleeping together, like all of the time now.  So that makes us lovers, but I think the term’s kind of outdated.”

“I think it’s sweet.”

“But in every context I’ve heard, it implies some kind of scandal.   _ She took on a lover while her mate was overseas.   _ Or,  _ he took on a lover while his family was upstate and then published a ninety-five page report on how exactly he managed to fuck up so badly. _ ”

“Jesus,” John said.  “Who the hell  _ could _ fuck up that badly?”

“I never would, that’s for damn sure.”

“ _ Anyway _ .”  John finally rolled over and faced him.  “The thing is, you bit me.  According to the government, and almost everyone else, we’ve been bonded for five months.  But we haven’t  _ been together _ for five months.  That’s only been a thing for three days.  Three and a half if you’re keeping serious track.”

“I’m not following.”

“It was one thing to pretend to be bonded when we were just friends.  But now, we’ll have to pretend to be bonded when, in truth, we’ve only just gotten together.”

Alex mulled it over.  “And you’re worried that it’s going to mess things up?”

“A little.”

His throat clenched a tiny bit.  “So, you’re saying that we shouldn’t be together until the Protocol’s over?”

“God, no.”  John looked at him with wide eyes.  “I just got you.  I’m not giving this up.  And I’m not saying that we won’t be able to pull this off, because everyone’s already convinced, but it might put a few strains on what we  _ really _ have.  Whatever this is.”

“ _ Whatever this is _ ?  Real affectionate label.”

“I’m  _ bonded _ to you,” John snapped.  “ _ And _ we actually have feelings for each other that we  _ know about _ .  Does that make us mates?”

“Legally,” Alex said.  “Legally, it does.”  He studied John’s face.  “But you don’t seem okay with it going any deeper than that.”

John offered him a rueful smile, and Alex pretended that it didn’t hurt.  “I love you,” he said firmly, taking Alex’s face in his hands.  “But the idea of us being mates right now just feels like... too much.  Like we’re rushing into things.  And I don’t want to screw this up.”

It didn’t hurt as much anymore.  He understood.  “So we’ll take it slow, then?”

John nodded.  A second later, he laughed.

“What?”

“ _ Take it slow _ , as if we didn’t fuck right after we got together.”

“Well, we  _ didn’t _ , because goddamn Mimi -”

“Mimi that you  _ invited home _ , mind you.”

“- didn’t want to eat alone, even though Andy was right there.”

“Maybe she just wanted some  _ pleasant _ company.”

Alex had a feeling that John didn’t like Andy, but this was the first he’d actually heard of it.  “What’s wrong with Andy?”

John shrugged.  “Just don’t like him.  He rubs me the wrong way, kinda like you with Mimi.”

“But Mimi’s given me plenty of reasons not to like her.”  John wasn’t meeting his eyes.  “Andy’s been nothing but nice to you.”

“Not as nice as you’ve been to him.”

It clicked into place.  “Oh my God, John, you’re  _ jealous _ of Andy?”

“What can I say?  You sent me candids of him and then  _ bragged to my face _ about how hot he was.”

“Look, I’ll admit, I was slightly infatuated when I first met him, but that faded after five seconds.”

“Why?” John asked, raising an eyebrow.  “A little  _ too _ perfect?”

“His eyes don’t crinkle when he smiles.  His laugh is nice, but not contagious.  His eyes aren’t the right color.  And he’s sweet, but not exactly the right brand of sweet.  Not to mention, he doesn’t have the right hair.  Or even  _ close _ to the right amount of freckles.  His name’s not even  _ John _ .”

John’s face flushed and he buried his head in Alex’s neck.  “You’re a sap,” he mumbled.

“How could I ever fall in love with someone like that when you exist?”

“And you’re making it worse.”  He sighed and pulled back, only to give him a soft kiss.  “I love you, too.”

* * *

 

Alex had never found himself particularly attractive.  He didn’t like his nose, or the way his hair fell.  He thought his forehead was too broad, his eyes too strange.  And he wasn’t blind to the exhaustion that was a permanent feature at this point, even though it was entirely his fault that it was there in the first place.  He was short and too skinny, and he didn’t like the shape of his legs.

But he loved the way John would kiss the tip of his nose with a smile.  And John always brushed his hair back with tenderness, always pressed his lips to his forehead several times over.  John said that looking into Alex’s eyes made him feel safer, less afraid.  He’d always smooth Alex’s brow and trace delicate fingers over his weary cheeks.  And he never failed to trail soft kisses over his body without hesitation, with nothing other than mumbled praises and words of love that Alex couldn’t doubt, no matter how much his mind tried to make him.

Alex had always thought that John could find beauty in things that he himself wouldn’t spare a passing glance at.

He never stopped to think that  _ he _ might be one of them.

“Why?” he blurted on the Sunday right before classes were to resume.

John stilled, looking up from his abdomen.  “Why what?”

“Why do you love me?”

It was a conversation Alex figured he’d be forcing, but did it really have to be this soon?

John moved back up Alex’s body and Alex tried to ignore the fear that John would leave for this.  He would leave because he couldn’t handle Alex’s insecurities.  Couldn’t handle the pressure.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Alex looked down, closing his eyes against the onslaught of suggestions his brain supplied.

“Alexander.”

When was the last time John had called him by his proper name?  He didn’t know.

“Alexander, love, look at me.”

He complied and John caressed his face.  Alex leaned into his hand, sighing.  “Forget I said anything,” he begged.

“I love you,” John whispered.  “I love you because I simply can’t help myself.”

“What?”

“You’re captivating and charming and intelligent and sweet and thoughtful.  You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”  John’s cheeks colored as he spoke, but his eyes were sincere.  “And now that we’re together, I still can’t believe how lucky I am that you feel the same way.”

“Of course I do,” Alex breathed.  “John, you’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.  And I’m sorry it took so long for me to say anything.”

“Don’t apologize.  It’s my fault, too.”  He gave a sad smile.  “I was too scared to say anything to you.  I didn’t think that you would ever -  _ could _ ever - love me that way.”

“But I do.”

“As do I.”  John kissed him.  Alex would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel choked up.  John loved him.   _ John loved him _ .

He was still getting used to the idea.  Part of him  _ never _ wanted to get used to it, because this constant realization felt so good.

“Congratulations,” Alex mumbled as he moved down to John’s neck, mouthing lightly at the spot under his jaw.  “You’ve officially left the English major speechless.”

John chuckled and rolled on top of him.  “Who says we have to talk?”

Alex wrapped his arms around him.  “You’re so thirsty.”

“We go back to class tomorrow,” John said.  “ _ And _ we’ll be preparing for finals.  We won’t have much time for things like this.  At least for a little while.”  They shared several heated kisses and John breathed, “I love you,” as Alex flipped them and covered John’s face in kisses.

Alex had never imagined that he could ever be so lucky.

**Author's Note:**

> Ta-daa! I really hope you liked it! More things from Alex's point of view to come, but I can't say when. Soon-ish, on the cosmological scale.
> 
> Come ask me things and/or pester me to get my work done! [](https://pandapantslovesyou.tumblr.com/)


End file.
